Learn what Kidder and Jade have been up to since Kidder left Sex is Fun.
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Learn what Kidder and Jade have been up to since Kidder left Sex is Fun.
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I've shared a lot of love with my prostate massagers and stimulators over the years. As one of the leading straight male sex educators who's always been more than happy to talk about my adventures with butt play, without so much as a fleeting hesitation, you'd think that the companies who make these products would be fighting each other for a spot in the cafeteria at my table. Alas, this isn't how it's worked out at all. The leaders of this particular toy industry have often been short-sighted in their design and quite cowardly in their marketing. Sometimes it seems as though they simply don't understand their market and other times it is as if their public relations department is just completely incompetent. 
The first toy that I ever dared shove up my ass came from the painfully myopic company known as Aneros. When they began, they marketed their product as a medical device, completely ignoring the pleasure potential for their creation. Of course we, the men who knew better were more than vocal about the white knuckled experiences we were having with their product and eventually they caught on marketing it only to gay men. Poor fools. Only a company with bifocals this cloudy would ever set their sights so low as to chase a market that is only 6% of the potential and further stigmatize their own creation so that no straight man would ever dare give one a whirl. 
Just as I was about to give up on Aneros, they released a new toy called the Progasm and it appeared as though they'd fixed their flaws and replaced the poky perineum stimulator with a small round plastic ball. So proud of themselves for improving the toy that they also decided to put one on the backside as well which they claimed stimulated the Aneros coined "K-Spot." After making me wait several months to send me one, I tried it, and yes I liked it, but their delay cost them as I was already being swooned by the new kid on the block who invaded the male butt market from across the pond. 
What this market needs is a 3rd competitor who's not afraid to actually innovate the market. NJoy could be this 3d competitor as they make a fantastic prostate stimulator out of stainless steel that really hits the spot.
I have always been wary of vibrating butt plugs, unsure as to whether or not I would enjoy vibration in my ass. Then Extreme Restraints sent me the Medium Trinity Silicone Vibrating Butt Plug and I was hooked! I tried the medium, but if you are looking for a beginning or more advanced butt plug, there are small and large sizes to suit your needs. The small, medium, and large plugs have widths of 1.25", 1.5", and 2" respectively. The tapered design allows for easy and comfortable insertion, slowly warming you up to the widest point. As this is made of ABS (a thermoplastic) and silicone, you'll want to use water-based lube with this plug. The plug is a little bit more stiff than other plugs that I have that are 100% silicone but I was okay with this, as I love metal and glass toys.
Good Clean Love Body Candy, Vanilla Chai
Good Clean Love Indian Spice Love Oil
Rarely do I crave a dildo. I often times think that if I want something up my ass, it shouldn't be a dildo. But times, they are a-changin', courtesy of the Real Deal Dildo made by Trinity Vibes. Upon initial inspection and first touch, it's easy to think that this dildo is made of cyber-skin - it's soft, flexible and slightly squishy. Trinity Vibes shied away from the cyber-skin fad and went with an incredibly soft plastic - ____. The dildo is 7" long, with 5.5 insertable inches. The dildo does have a fake ball-sack so you don't need to worry about losing the toy deep within your gut. After giving this toy a good old-fashioned soap and water scrub, it was fairly odorless.
Hi Kidder,I've been listening to and enjoying the SiF podcast for a couple months. I wanted to let you know that it disappointed me to hear you call the woman from the naked truth church a "bitch" and a "cunt." As you are someone who is a sexuality educator and who speaks often about positive sexuality, I'm guessing you probably know the whole spiel about why those words are disrespectful in the context of women's sexuality. If you don't, let me know and I'd be happy to talk about it with you more. I'm just asking that you please be mindful of using bitch or cunt as a pejorative. (and, of course, if you're saying "I'm your bitch" or "I want to lick your cunt" those are completely ok--it's using those words as a put-down that I'm objecting to.)Another Offended Listener
Put your feet in the stirrups and relax...
Today the illustrious Laura Berman who is the famed right-hand woman to Oprah's libidinous show topics and sex therapist from the famed Berman institute asked me the strangest question. She asked, "Would you be more willing to forgive your partner if they cheated with someone of the same sex? Of course this question was posted on her Facebook wall for everyone to add comments should they wish but I knew she wrote the question specifically for me. How do I know this to be the absolute truth? The answer is simple, I'm narcissistic. 
Kidder Kaper 
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASEKidder Kaper is a sex educator and author. His book, Sex is Fun! Creative Ideas for Exciting Sex (published by Penguin) remains a best selling sex therapy book at Amazon.com and everywhere fine books are sold. His iTunes top-ranked podcast and well-visited blog can be found at SexisFun.net.
Kidder,Sent from my iPhone
Chris,
A first time vibrator is kinda like your first pair of skis. Many would think it wise to get a cheap board to see if you even like skiing before dropping a wad of cash on a sport you may only try once. But what if your first experience, which is largely going to be spent sliding down the slope on your face or your ass anyway, was burdened by boots that hurt, bindings that release all the time, and a dull edge that couldn't cut though warm brie? You probably wouldn't want to try it again. Luckily you can rent a decent pair of skis before you buy them. Unfortunately there doesn't seem to be much business potential in renting sex toys, so there isn't much of a "try before you buy" opportunities with anything designed to touch your junk.
Realistically it is just as likely that a six dollar bullet vibe will let you know whether or not she likes vibes on her clit, but those little fraker's are hard plastic that are cheaply made with molded edges that need to be sanded down before use. If you have the funds wouldn't you rather have a top-of the line model for her first ride? If it would increase the chances she liked the experience by even 1% more, wouldn't you rather pay the extra cash to be more likely to have a great first experience? I see from your email that you sent this to me from your fancy iPhone, so chances are you have plenty of disposable income, well that is until you get your AT&T bill.
I can tell that you are already smarter than the average bear in that you've started shopping for a plug-in model. Battery powered units are for chumps and people who eat paste. The plug in models are more powerful, last longer, and NEVER LET YOU DOWN. You were even smart enough to consider your nearest outlet. A good vibrator becomes standard gear in the bedroom. We keep ours right next to the bed at all times and we use it often. I'd go as far as say that 40% of all our foreplay and about 10% of our after-play involves using the vibrator. So not needing to get out an extension cord helps us use it without a break in the action. Frankly you want a cord long enough so it can just stay plugged in all the time.
If you go with the Hitachi Magic Wand, you are getting a solid performer that is durable, powerful, variable, aesthetically pleasing, and can be owned without embarrassment. because really, it is just a back massager. ;) It has a 6' long cord so you may need to use an extension cord. If you get the Hitachi, you'll probably like it and you can get it from my sponsors here, and here.
That said, the Eroscillator does have some features that deserve a glance even though it costs more than twice what a Hitachi will set you back. For starters it has a 12' long cord which seems excessive until you find yourself in need of a cord that long, then it is bliss. All I'm going to say about that is that it was an memorable night that I shall use as fodder until I'm a senile old bastard. The technological differences between the Eroscillator an all other vibrators is that it doesn't actually vibrate, it oscillates. This means that instead of moving in all directions, the stimulator very quickly rocks back and fourth. Your clitoris probably won't notice a difference but your nerve endings will.
Vibrations cause temporary nerve de-sensitivity. The best description I have for this feeling is the tingly sensation you get in your hands after mowing the lawn or using a power tool for extended periods of time. This is nothing to get too worried about because most women get off on their vibes well before they become desensitized and the feeling usually returns within a few hours. The unfortunate drawback to this desensitization is that vibes are a great foreplay tool but it kinda sucks that they make your vulva numb just before the action takes place.
This is where the Eroscillator really earns its wallet lightening price tag, in our tests, we've found that nerve desensitization was greatly reduced on vulvas and frenulums, well at least my frenulum. Many of the women also noted that the smaller stimulation head allowed them to focus purely on their clitoris, whereas the large footprint of the Hitachi stimulated the whole vulva. One may think that more is better, but apparently not when it comes to women cumming. Because the footprint is much smaller it is also more convenient to use the Eroscillator during intercourse. It isn't easier than say a vibrating cock-ring, but easier than a big old back massager. The Eroscillator resembles the shape of an electronic tooth brush so I guess it is easy to own without embarrassment. Though I've got to give points to the Hitachi here because it is much easier to press it to your shoulders and pretend you are using it to loosen sore muscles should anyone catch you using it, verses sticking the Eroscillator into your mouth and pretending you are brushing your teeth with a new tooth paste that smells remarkably similar to vulva juice.
The Eroscillator costs about $130 and is SOMETIMES available here at our sponsor.
Accessories!
Both the Hitachi and The Eroscillator can be purchased with hundreds of dollars worth of attachments and accessories. Heck, you can even get a speed controller for the Hitachi that gives it unlimited speed increments for those who are simply not satisfied by, HIGH, MEDIUM, and LOW. For the Hitachi, I'd skip them all, or at least skip them for now. The dildo attachments just aren't that fantastic and most women (I said, "MOST," so just back the frak off) prefer to isolate their stimulation to their clits when getting off anyway.
On the Eroscillator side, we mostly just use the standard cup attachment. I like the Ultra Soft Finger Tip attachment on my frenulum and on girls with really sensitive clits. The French Legionnaire's Mustache feels kind of like someone whispering on your skin which is an interesting sensation but not worth the $50 price tag. They also sell a bunch of attachments that are designed to go inside the vagina and stimulate the G-Spot. Skip them all. The Eroscillator people have perfected the science of clitoral stimulation but seem to be completely ignorant of a woman's internal anatomy.
Choose wisely and have fun with your first vibe,
Kidder
For those of you who have had the good taste to become a fan of the product reviews word-smithed by this particular reviewer know that I rarely grace a product with a review that doesn't bluntly point out the flaws, failures and shortcomings of each product I dare shove up my ass. Alas, I've found myself at a loss for words as I search for mean things to say after Jade and I gave the Liberator Heart-Shaped Wedge for a couple of test drives. I hate to say it as it breaks a longstanding tradition of Kidder-brand curmudgeonry, but this may very well be most perfect sex product we've ever had the joy of bringing into our bed with us. 
Hi there, I'm Kidder Kaper. I'm an author, podcaster, sex educator, blogger, yada, yada, and I think it is time that we radically change our approach to the way we view and deliver sex education. Traditionally, sex education has taken either a left or right turn down a two forked road. The left road usually concerns itself with medically accurate facts often abandoning the emotional components of sex to be experienced without guidance by its audience. The road on the right is often an single lane highway littered with lies, guided by morality toward an end goal of complete and total abstinence. Though I tend to choose the left road when given only two options, I find myself wondering what we want sex education to be and how we intend for it to improve the lives of its students.
It seems to me that both medically accurate and abstinence only sex education methods, as they are currently delivered, ignores many facets of the human experience that make sex a life-long pleasure that can be experienced safely with proper preparation and guidance. If the goal of education isn't designed to make life better for those that receive it in as many ways as possible, then why do it at all? Why is sex treated as though it were toxic?
Sexual shame is everywhere. It is easy to blame religion for starting this as religion is largely at fault, but now sex negativity is just as likely to come from secular sources as it is from religious wackadoos. The difference between the church is that it kept sex shameful and in the closet, but the secular media made it publish and used sex as a way to pass judgment on our neighbors, vilify hypocritical religious leaders, and even impeach presidents. Not all of this is bad. In fact, pulling sex out of the closet for public consumption is often quite healthy. While, I enjoy reading about an anti-gay reverend caught choking on cock at a highway rest stop as much as the next person, negating the entire career of a teacher simply because her boyfriend snapped a shot of her tits twenty years ago is completely insane.
We, as a people, handle sexual issues with a large degree of insanity. On one hand we vilify the harmless private sexual activities of consenting adults, yet continue to pay patronage and tithings to a church that has been caught red-handed protecting dangerous pedophiles. Sexually transmitted diseases and teen pregnancies continue to increase in number as sexual education continues to exclude information about contraceptives and even the basic understanding of the human sexual condition. We're arresting teenagers as child pornographers for sending pictures of their bodies to other teenagers. We're actually criminalizing consensual teenage sexual experimentation and willing to brand them with a scarlet letter for life that puts them in the very same camp as child molesters. There is even a district attorney that promises to prosecute any teacher who dares to teach their students about contraceptives. Sex education isn't just a matter of debate any longer, it is now a crime.
In my humble opinion it is long since time to start at square one and build sexual education materials that significantly improve the lives of the people that receive it. For fans of O.W.L. (Our Whole Lives) as offered by the Unitarian Universalists, get ready because we're gonna take what they've started and make it a Technicolor adventure that's never been attempted in the past. This is the Kaper Method and to compare it to O.W.L. would be like comparing the OmniTheater to a nickelodeon.
Sex education materials that follow the Kaper Method must adhere to the following criteria:
Sex is Fun is here to help with your holiday shopping!
Darkfeline is a prolific member on the forums at GreatSexGames.com. The forums were created even before the Sex is Fun Podcast went live as a way for customers of our sex games to interface with each other. It is a safe place for non-vanilla
thinkers to hang out and exchange thoughts and debate issues that affect human
sexuality. From time to time, Darkfeline posted her artwork on the forum that
ranges from sensual to downright erotic. I've long been impressed by her
drawings and have even contracted her to draw a nude of my wife Jade which I
gave to her on her birthday. Since Darkfeline is located somewhere down-under,
she was forced to sketch a composite of Jade purely from photos I emailed her.
Again I was impressed and Jade was ticked pink with her portrait.Recently, Darkfeline created a new thread on the forum titled, "50 Sex Characteristics in Thirty Days," and soon began posting pencil sketches and digital paintings of the most striking sexual imagery I've ever seen.
KK: What do you call this series of renderings?
DF: Currently it has two names, both being titles I've used on various websites. "Thirty Days of Genitals" and "50 Sex Characteristics in Thirty Days". Turns out neither title are accurate! I didn't reach fifty, and not all images are of genitals! But these are the names I chose due to character limitations on one website and plain old lack of imagination for everywhere else. I did think of a few better titles, but I am saving those for future projects.
KK:
What inspired you to take on such an intense amount of work in such a short
period of time?
DF: A few things inspired me to do this. I wanted to seriously challenge myself. I wanted to learn more about human anatomy. I was also greatly inspired by the NaNoWriMo concept of 'unfettered creation' through allowing yourself to just create and let yourself make crap, if that's how it turns out. I have problems with being a perfectionist and I need to learn to work faster and to be less preoccupied with details or perfection when they really don't matter. My fiancé introduced me to the NaNoWriMo event and he participated this year, writing over 50,000 words in thirty days. That amazes me. It was his suggestion that I draw genitalia after I made a comment about how much I was enjoying illustrating a male nude. He told me about the NaNoDrawMo event that runs concurrently with NaNoWriMo drawing 50 images in the month of November and I latched on to that idea and ran with it. Thankfully I'm hardly the first to create images like these. Betty Dodson is a brilliant example, particularly of educational and sex positive images. I'd definitely call her work an inspiration.
You could say I was also inspired by the need for more education about male anatomy, spurred by my many conversations with males who feel deep humiliation and worthlessness because they've never seen another penis outside of pornography and have thus judged all 'penile normality' based on these extremely well-endowed male actors.
The heartfelt questions and testimonies that accompany the photographs at Erection Photos have been an immense inspiration. Their soft/hard gallery is a fantastic resource for people seeking to learn more about male anatomy, particularly in relation to the spectrum of length and girth and the differences between flaccid and erect penises. It's a brilliant website stuffed with examples of just how important accurate information is. In a sea of 'grow your cock' spam emails and Photoshopped advertising on porn
sites proclaiming that anything below 10 inches is tiny and pathetic, this
website is a mighty battleship, armed with truth and welcoming those seeking
refuge. That's probably a phallic metaphor.
KK: The images you've drawn are quite eclectic. What did you use for models or reference material and why did you chose these specific examples?
DF: Google has been my major tool for finding images and reference material. I looked through literally thousands of images of the human body. The images I chose to work from caught my eye for a multitude of reasons, the most common ones being aesthetic beauty, educational potential and complexity of detail.
To break that down further, I would say I chose images that I felt could not only challenge me artistically and look good, but would also showcase the variety of appearances present in the human body. I wanted to break down stereotypes, to make people think about their own desires and judgments based on physical appearance and ultimately come to appreciate all the amazing the stuff we have in our pants. Choosing images that weren't necessarily going to be easy for me to recreate proved to be one of the more rewarding aspects of the project, as I was extremely interested in learning more about my craft and how far I could go.
I have had some photos sent to me voluntarily and I'm still working on some images that have inspired me. I think those sorts of images can be all the more powerful, as I'm actually making connections with the person in the image and can get a more visceral insight into how a person feels about themselves and why.
Unfortunately, I haven't been able to speak with the people I have drawn and painted so far. I have no idea who they are. I didn't get a chance to say "Hey, I think
you're gorgeous", or to find out how they feel about themselves. Hopefully
I'll get more of a chance to do just that in the future.
KK: In this collection, We see lots of different mediums used to render the art. What were the benefits and drawbacks to each medium? Which is your favorite to work with?
DF: I primarily used graphite pencils because of familiarity and the advantage of speed. It's much easier to work quickly and loosely with pencil and there's
something very primal about it; smudging with your fingers, making thick lines
and dark shadows, feathery definition and squiggles and fine outlines. It's
versatile and relatively easy to erase, if you don't press down too hard.
The disadvantage that is, to me, the most poignant is that while you
can explore texture you cannot fully express the amazing variations of color
present in human skin. While gray-scale images do look good, I think
that when you are exploring the beauty and variety of the human body, color is
an element that is just as important as texture and shape.
Unfortunately I only made one watercolor image, though I am very pleased with how it turned out and the myriad reactions to it. Vulvas can be incredibly brightly colored and I wanted to try to capture both the color variation as well as a sense of density and fleshiness. The medium is surprisingly flexible. You can have rich color variation or subtle, bold lines or feathery, blurry ones. You can create complex detail or work with looser, more expressive and vague movements.
Some watercolor paintings tend towards the floaty, delicate end of imagery. This is a quality I felt appropriate for an image of a vulva, for words like 'delicate' are often used to describe inner labia. This particular vulva however, while it is candy pink and bright, its inner labia are thick and highly textured, lush and flushed and layered. Expressing such ample, beautiful lips with a teeny paintbrush and watery paint seemed a chance far too fun and interesting to miss!
Watercolor paintings can be done quickly, or take a surprisingly long period of time. Sadly I tend towards the latter, particularly because I can be a perfectionist.
The sheer amount of detail in most of this work would have made it too time
consuming to complete very many paintings within the month. Another downside was that I need the light quality to be 'just right', otherwise I
can't always see the paint on the page properly. Colors get washed out under
artificial lights. I tend to work mostly at night, and the perfect light for
watercolors is natural daylight.
I hope I'll be painting more images like this in the future, because its a medium I sorely miss using.
The remaining four images were created purely digitally. This is the 'new frontier' for me. I'm primarily a traditional artist, but I've been trying to learn more about digital art over the past few years and, like watercolors and pencils, I am self taught. One of the biggest disadvantages with being a self taught digital artist is that you often get overwhelmed by the tools themselves. I'm sure I only know about a fifth of the range of possible uses. Most likely less. I'm using traditional mindsets in a digital medium and they doesn't always translate very well. Thus my progress with learning has been slow.
This project, however, has boosted my learning process and more importantly my confidence. My normal approach with digital art is to draw something on paper, scan it, then work from there. I work with multiple layers, sometimes a dozen or more, messing with filters and effects. With the four digital images in the "Thirty Days" project, I worked entirely within the graphics program, 'painting' with a tablet and pen. I used only three layers; a base color, all the rest of the color and line work, then a final layer for the signature so that I could move it around till I found the right spot for it to go. For me this was like flying to Japan with only a small English to Japanese manual and a handful of memorized phrases. That's how alien this creation process can feel; terrifying, exhilarating and challenging.
The main advantage is that I have the ability to undo the lines and shapes I'd made and do them again. Or, to continue the metaphor, a little gadget mind-controlling whoever I'd been using my terrible Japanese on, so they'd forget what abominable things I'd just said and I can try again. Possibly a bad metaphor... But you don't get that with most traditional media and it is a very powerful advantage indeed.
At the moment I'm not sure if I can pick a favorite medium. Their various advantages all appeal to me immensely and I adore the final look of a finished work in each medium. The disadvantages tend to fluctuate in importance from day to day, such as convenience, color variation needed, light quality in my environment and simply the knowledge of how well I can render the precise image I have in mind. Some mediums are better for various subjects and moods than others.
I believe digital art is at the forefront of my mind of late and I'm still in the
New Relationship Energy phase with it, if you will! I'm still learning so much and
have plenty more to explore. The romance with traditional mediums will never
fade, but digital art is the current crush. I guess I'm polyamorous for paints,
pencils and pixels!
KK: What do you intend to do with this collection now that it is finished?
DF: Even though part of me is disappointed that I didn't reach the 50 mark, I'm still very happy with the number of images, their quality and the reception
they've received. It has been an energizing, humbling and overwhelming
experience at times. When my motivation ebbed I re-read the hundreds of
comments on the existing pictures and couldn't help but be inspired by just how
important it is for people to see and understand how varied and gorgeous humans
are; all shapes, sizes, colors, sexes and gender identities. I've been moved to
tears several times by people saying how good they felt looking at them and how
many finally felt normal.
Now that the month is over and the project thus complete, I'm keeping it up on the various websites I upload to, particularly Hentai-Foundry which is where the bulk of the amazing
commentary and conversation is. I won't make any one pay to see it, as I don't
own the original images and I feel rather strongly about the need for detailed,
anatomically correct educational pictures. The fact that they are pretty hot at
the same time is a plus, but for me it's not the most important factor. I hope
to create more pictures to further explore the spectrum of human appearance and
make a more diverse resource for others.
KK: Did you notice yourself getting aroused as you worked on this project? And if so, do you find that arousal helps keep you motivated and inspired, or does it distract you?
DF: Interestingly enough, I didn't get as aroused as often, or as deeply as one might imagine. Towards the beginning of the project when I was concentrating more on creating sexy stuff for fun and to drool over, yes, I did stop every so often and think to myself "Man, that is one sexy vulva/cock/butt/boob" and get aroused.
But the further I went into the project and the more the emphasis tilted towards educational images, I found myself being less physically aroused and more mentally and emotionally moved. Art is meant to elicit emotional reactions. While zooming in on the amazing detail of the folds and ridges in a human scrotum, I was moved by how complex we are. While painting dusky caramels and blushing pinks on an incredibly large clitoris, I was moved by the reflected light off such tender, sensitive skin and thought of how fragile we can be, how vulnerable our bodies are. I called that particular clitoris the "Hypno-Clit," because it was incredibly distracting just by being unusual, shiny and delicious.
In a sense my mind was aroused more than my body. I was inspired by a reverence that swelled after I stopped merely looking and truly saw. Upon the first few looks at a glans or a nipple or the swell of a hip, you register desire, you feel physical responses and your interest is perked. But when you look further and really see the body, it becomes more than a set of sexual characteristics, more than just flesh. It's a person. It's a living, breathing individual with feelings and desires.
Then the image shifts from abstract collections of shapes and colors, through to allegories of desire, fertility, identity and personal power. These are concepts that both motivate and distract me just as much as sexual arousal. It is no wonder at all that genitals are fetishized and that images and sculptures and totems are created to celebrate, venerate, augment and impart that power. I am in no way surprised that these features are exaggerated in art and that the search for an 'ideal body' often involves some sort of augmentation to enlarge these characteristics. Our genitals are a source of personal power, of confidence and self expression. When we are made to feel as if these fundamental parts of our bodies are inadequate, our confidence and personal power are deeply damaged.
This is what distracted me. The embodiment of such power and beauty that often left me in tears. This is what turned me on. Empowering people. Exploring the
infinite beauty of the human body. It's more than just titillation to
me. You could call it a form of worship. At the very least it is a
celebration.
KK: What's next for Darkfeline?
DF: Right now I'm settling back into commission work. I have far too many ideas buzzing around, however, and hopefully I'll be able to harness that fire in my head to bring more projects into being. I would love to continue to make images like these and to continue learning about the human body at the same time as increasing my artistic skills. I have so much to learn in both regards.
I hope to find more ways to reach people and help bring about much needed changes when it comes to sexual education, even if that's just by painting cocks and vulvas and posting them where people can find them. Hell, I'd love people to commission me to paint their cocks and vulvas. That would make me incredibly happy and increase the amount of educational, beautiful imagery I have to share.
I also have other Sex Ed themed projects in mind, dealing with sexual identity. Hopefully they will be fleshed out and fully realized at some point in the future.
It's very possible that I might start a blog, though I am rather timid and awful
with keeping journals or writing regularly. Writing is much, MUCH harder for me
than art, and as they say, a picture paints a thousand words. So often its
easier for me to 'say' something with a picture. I also struggle with anxiety
and the fear that I really don't have anything interesting or important to say
and I'm nowhere near confident that this isn't the truth. Perhaps a blog would
help with that? My partner is being very encouraging in that regard and I know
I'll have a wonderful bloggy assistant if I choose to start one!
Maybe that's the next challenge.
You can see the entire collection as well as more work from Darkfeline at http://www.hentai-foundry.com/profile-Trixalla.php
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We've all been there. In one way or another, we've been there. Whether it's the terror of being asked by a perplexed and terrified four year-old asking "Mommy, is Daddy hurting you?" as said cherub magically appears mid-screaming orgasm at the foot of your bed like a tiny poltergeist of sexual destruction, unexpected and decidedly unwelcome as you regret terribly the lack of a lock on your bedroom door. Or maybe it's the permanently embedded scar on the landscape of your memory which recollects with a nauseatingly vivid clarity the time that you did that to YOUR parents. Ewww. (A moment please...must divert mind. Quick! Nothing remotely sexual! ......Thank God, there's a feature on Speidi's back scoop on TMZ.)
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Whether you are single, coupled, or in an open-relationship with fifteen undiagnosed nymphomaniacs, you will eventually encounter a sexual advance that you'll prefer not to accept for one reason or another. If you don't want to have sex or can't have sex, then you should, by all rights, refuse the sexual advance but that doesn't mean that you need to do it in a way that makes the person who makes the advance feel bad. It takes a lot of balls, guts, and nervous sweat to admit to another human being that you find them attractive and want to get busy with them. Do your best to be kind when you reject their advances. 
Be sure to sign up by October 25th to take advantage of the early bird special, a savings of up to $350!
"We stayed at Desire in March 2009 and by pure chance happened to be there at the same time as the Sex is Fun & Swingercast crowd.
The Oxford English Dictionary defines "lifestyle" as "the way in which a person lives." I would identify as a non-vanilla thinker, and a swinger, but I wouldn't say either of those things describe very well the way in which I live. So I'm interested in why engaging in non-vanilla sexual activities is known as "the lifestyle". And it is called that - look up "the lifestyle" on a search engine of your choice and among the first hits will be the Wikipedia page on swinging.
I've been having this conversation with a few people lately, the double standard about bi males in the lifestyle. As swingers we seem perfectly happy (and expecting) that our women are bisexual. In fact, I don't know that I've met any swinger couples whose female portion isn't bisexual. Some more than others, but by and large, definitely bisexual. Now don't jump down my throat here, I'm well aware that straight swinging females exist, and probably in a decent sized number, but wouldn't we all agree that the VAST majority of females in the lifestyle are bi? It's not really shocking, as even the mainstream vanilla world has embraced girl on girl action in the past ten to fifteen years. So when a lifestyle such as swinging opens up affording them the opportunity to play with girls, well, there ya go, that's where the bi girl inside comes out. We've spoken to many swing couples who revealed that one of the prominent reasons they got into this in the first place was so the Mrs. could play with another woman finally.
Interesting.
So there are many conclusions we can draw from this. First that the results could be flawed because it was so bad to admit to any homosexual feelings back then, so gays could be sliding further towards 0 than they otherwise would... But even with a bit of a skew, roughly one in ten men and one in ten women identified themselves as bisexual on this scale...
And that was back when men were manly, right? So with society opening up a bit ('cuz it has...) and men being allowed to come into touch with their feminine side, it stands to reason that the number would be AT LEAST the same, but more likely higher.
Now here's where it gets more interesting to me, the statistic I choose to repeat even though I'm sure it's WOEFULLY inaccurate is that 1 in 70 people are swingers. We're going to do some fun math here, with actual statistics drawn from other websites. (so, take or leave the accuracy, this is just food for thought - it's also been a long time since I did any math with desired accuracy...if my figuring is wrong, please let me know)
There are 309,699,000 people in the US. 75% of them are over the age of 20, giving us 232,274,250 adults. By Kinsey's numbers (numbers that are over 60 years old) there are 26,943,813 bisexuals out there. So, now if 1 in 70 people are swingers, that assumes 4,424,271 swingers in the US, with at LEAST 442,427 of them being bisexuals. With the ratio of bisexual women being sky high in the lifestyle, wouldn't it follow that that number is quite low for bisexual or at least bicurious males.
Now, a characteristic I would give most swingers is their willingness to be open to new ideas sexually. Generally speaking, the people who're going to cad around and just fuck and that's what it's all about for them just go ahead and commit adultery and leave the hassle of swinging out of it. So let's say that half of the swingers, just over two and a quarter MILLION people, are this more enlightened and open minded group that I speak of. Wouldn't it follow that those would be more likely to allow for the possibility of a bisexual experience. To try it.
I'll try anything once, twice in case I did it wrong the first time. It's a good motto, and it's one espoused on MANY swinger profiles.
The day we launched our swinger profile, both my wife and I were listed as bi-curious, because I figured why on Earth, when presented with the unlimited bounty of sexual possibility, would I want to limit myself. Our first couple suggested we change my answer, otherwise we'd get many fewer responses.
So we did.
So why that bias? Many think it's because bi-males still fall under the unfortunate stigma of homosexuality in the 80s, and the fact that it was quite common to see AIDS as a gay disease back then. (Some assholes still think it is...assholes.) Truth be told, anal sex DOES spread STIs more easily than most other sexual activities. BUT, with a condom, that "more likely" is almost completely negated.
So is it just paranoia about STIs? Doubtful. I think it's predominantly fear of what your peer group would say. It's amusing to me the profiles that say "My hubby AIN'T BI, SO WE DON'T WANT THAT!" (the dialect is due to the fact that I specifically saw exactly that quote.) It seems so close to the general homophobia amongst men that says "I just don't like the idea of him...looking at me..." But just as we've had many lifestyle nights that don't include any bisexual female activity, despite the fact that both females are definitely bisexual, so many people assume that the moment there's a bisexual male in the mix, it means he's gonna want his dick in you. (The proverbial you...you know, the homophobic male you)
I've spoken to a LOT of bi-males, in the lifestyle, and all but one are listed as straight on their profile. When speaking to couples, they generally realize pretty quickly that I'm 100% open to any kink. Nothing phases me. I may not understand or be interested, but it doesn't matter to me if you are. (Except those foolish non-exclusive bareback couples...yeah, I'm talking to you! YOU'RE PART OF THE STI PROBLEM!) All it takes is the realization that Marilyn and I are not going to judge them for their interest. So what this suggests is that there are MANY bisexual males in the lifestyle who'd love to come out of the teensy bisexual closet, if only they could be guaranteed that they wouldn't be judged on too crazy a scale.
So I'll leave you by trashing an idea, one that I've heard all around the lifestyle. This idea that bi-male activity makes you gay. Well...are your wives and girlfriends gay yet? Because from where I sit they've been eating a lot of pussy, and still come back for the cock.
When it comes to sex toys and sex accessories, the women really have the
men beat when it comes to variety. Sure, everything that can be
purchased for women can technically be used by men, but really, once you
get down to it, the two main categories of toys for men are things that
go in our butts, and things that go on our cocks, or sometimes in our
cocks if urethra-play is your pleasure. 
How to select a cock ring?
I was out to lunch with my boss and a group of consultants working on a project we were doing to try to dramatically expand our business reach. (Unfortunately the business is not swing-related.) One of them brought up how much trouble they'd gotten into recently when he checked out another girl without first being wary of his wife's gaze upon him. The four other men sitting at the table gave their harrumphs in approval and agreement and grumpiness at the very idea, but also the knowledge that should their eyes have been caught wandering, they'd get the same fight.
With the world wide launch of the Sex is Fun! book (English version), I
thought it would be wise of me to jot down the story of how this book
came to life. For those who are interested in the back story, or wish to
publish a book on their own, this article should tell you everything
you need to know to understand how a naughty idea, becomes a naughty
book. 
So you bought a clitoral vibrator and it turns out it didn't rock your world. Don't spend time being sad that the toy everyone said was a sure thing was a letdown in your panties, channel your inner MacGyver and use these tips as resources to help make that vibe a winner.
I'm going to assume you've heard the advice about using more lube, about putting on condoms with your mouth, and about ridiculous things like "abstinence." I'm going to assume that you've tried some of those "spice up your safe sex life" tips, and tried them, and found that they made barrier sex suck way less than before, but still left you wanting in the "fun" and "hot" departments. Well, as someone with rather strict rules in my open relationship, I have more than a half-decade's experience with creating a whole lot of fun without a whole lot of danger. What follows are some tips and tricks I've learned along the way, but before I get to the complicated advice, here's something really important I learned: If you learn to have great safer sex, you're going to have amazing unprotected sex when you're ready. It's like Luke and the Blast Shield Helmet.
You Can't Just Force it In.
Not your dick, you dick. You can't just force safer sex into any sex situation and assume everything is going to go as well as it could. This is true physically (if it feels like you need some more lubricant for latex/skin rubbing, it's because you do) and mentally (if it feels like the mood has dampened over the last two minutes of condom fumbling, it's because it has). You have to acknowledge that the sex you want to be having is going to be different in some key ways than the sex you're actually going to have (unless you have a latex fetish, in which case, good for you).
However rarely we may fantasize about rolling a condom down someone's toy or dick, or the gentle caress of our tongue against a sheet of latex against someone's skin, safer sex is the sex that we need to have. Get used to it, get over it, and work with what you've got. No, you're not going to get to have penetrative sex without a barrier, and you don't need to take it completely off the menu, but it may be time to feature some other dishes. Spank your partner, touch yourself, use toys, cameras, construction equipment. Play dress-up, play cops and robbers, play with your feet, their legs, everyone's hair. Be submissive, be dominant, be ticklish, be adventurous.
Order off the menu
This may take some rethinking about what your goals are for any sexual experience. For some reason, and most especially in hetero sex, some silly hierarchy has been established about sex acts that come first, second, third, and only when everyone's a little drunk. This hierarchy creates a sort of game where the point of each level is to get enough points to reach the next level, and winning the sex game means you've reached the final level (penetrative sex) and beaten the level boss. Orgasm. Game over.
Now, I like video games as much as the next guy (obviously), but if you remove the level system from how you think about sex, you will find that a whole lot of fun can be had with lips, hands, nipples, hair, teeth, tongues and fingertips that is well within the safety comfort range of you and your partner. Good sex becomes great sex when you don't start worrying as soon as you get off. Of course, in order to get to that point, you need to get to the orgasms. Chances are, just "sticking it in" hasn't been working too well for you in that department anyway unless you were doing something extra (oral, manual, vibratory, pinchy) to get your partner off. Penises don't make orgasms, and neither do vaginas. Orgasms are made in an explosion of mental and physical stimulation. There isn't a step by step guide to getting someone off that's going to work for everyone, but there's one step so helpful, it deserves its own section:
Don't watch porn, watch your partner.
Put down the Cosmo's and the How-To's, and punch anyone in the face who tells you that watching porn is a good way to get "new ideas" for sex. If there's one thing that's true about good sex, it's that there's nothing true about good sex. One person's agony in a bad way is another person's agony in a good way.
Have you ever constructed a piece of furniture from bad directions? Do you keep trying to fit the 8" piece in the 6" opening, eventually pounding the end with a hammer screaming "this is supposed to work!" Well, step back, look at the pieces you've got, and it may just make sense to do something not in the directions. Less frustration, more success. Now, replace "building furniture" with "getting your partner off" and you're on your way.
Don't just read the directions and stick with the things that are supposed to feel good, or that worked with the last person. Look for cues on how they breath, talk, move, moan, or nod off during sex, and adjust accordingly. If you pay attention to your partner's path to orgasm, over time you'll start to recognize the physical (and verbal) signs that you're on the right track. Listen for sharp intakes of breath, for moans more animal than theatrical. Watch their hands to see if something is relaxing, obnoxious, or can't-help-but-grab-something-hard awesome. In order for sex to be decent, you've really got to be there.
There's no such thing as brain herpes. Is there?
Of course, "being there" doesn't necessarily mean that you need to be there and be you. The real reason sex is so sexy to so many of us is the context of it. Making sex better doesn't mean making it faster or bigger or deeper (well, okay, sometimes it does), it means making the context of the sex hotter. For this, we must use our brains. The great thing about the mind fuck is that there's a 0% chance of pregnancy and STI's, and still a whole lot of fun to be had.
Getting bored with pretending that condoms feel good? Well, stop wasting your brain energy on something so stupid. Pretend you're in charge, or your partner is. Pretend you're about to get caught, or about to get punished. Pretend you're Tina Fey and Tracy Morgan. Pretend SOMETHING. Get into each other's brains and play with power or character or situation.
Go forth and be dirty.
You can be as dirty as you want when you let all the dirty stuff happen in your heads so it doesn't spill all over the sheets. When you can change the way you think about sex, and focus on the parts of safer sex that really turn you on, you can get yourself to a place where safer sex isn't just the best possible sex minus full sensation. You should always play safe, of course, but you and your partners can still have plenty of fun while keeping the sex separate from fluid transfers. After all, you only need a rain coat if you're going to get wet.
The First Fully Illustrated, Interactive, Titillating Sex Manual Combining the Innovative Look of a Graphic Novel with Nonfiction Advice
Who needs an illustrated guide to having sex?
• The newly-wed couple just married and worried that they will lose interest in each other once their novelty wears off.
• The single guy looking to spice up his mojo.
• The single girl who has always had questions about toys but was too embarrassed to ask.
• The couple together for many years who know a thing or two about hitting each other's sweet spots ...but want to spice it up a bit.
Kidder Kapper is a sex game designer and host of the award-winning "Sex is Fun" podcast. His podcast has been called "one of the 10 best places to find sex advice" by ABCNews.com. And he is expanding his sexpire with a sex guide that is not afraid to show all of us how to act, what to wear, and what to say to turn our loved ones (or anyone) on. SEX IS FUN: CREATIVE IDEAS FOR EXCITING SEX (Avery, June 1, 2010, $20.00) is a fully illustrated, entertaining, informative, no-holds-barred guide to spicing up your sex life and keeping relationships exciting.
SEX IS FUN promises and delivers. Written as a graphic novel, with stylish comic book illustrations, it playfully informs readers about (possibly embarrassing) subjects such as safer sex techniques, new and fun positions, choosing the right sex toys, and taking sexy self-portraits. And it is totally interactive (because isn't that what makes sex really fun?)! Included in SEX IS FUN is a workbook style guide to opening up communication between partners and a "Sexual Interest Inventory." In a choose-your-adventure section, partners can choose the direction of scenarios and make comments on their sexual desires.
So what makes SEX IS FUN fun?
• Talking dirty
• Writing a sexy letter
• Making sexy movie
• Fun with blindfolds
• Giving massages
• Introducing food to your love life
• Role playing
• And more
From titillating to downright naughty, SEX IS FUN keeps it interesting.
About the Author:
Kidder Kaper is the sex game designer for GreatSexGames.com and host of the award winning "Sex is Fun" podcast. He is a different kind of sex educator and is unafraid to discuss his personal experiences in his weekly show. Kidder has always been naturally curious about human sexuality and has an overwhelming desire to teach the world to enjoy responsible sex. He spends his days imagining new erotic party games, researching human sexuality, giving sex advice, and testing and reviewing mountains of sex toys.
Kidder surrounds himself with free thinking friends who are courageous enough to discuss irreverent topics until all hours of the night. He enjoys keeping his mind sharp by playing a variety of strategy games and is a very capable alpine skier, snowboarder, and wakeboarder. He prides himself on keeping his sexual relationship with his wife hot and exciting well beyond the seven year itch.
About Avery:
Avery, an imprint focusing on health, wellness, fitness, psychology, finance, and popular science, is best known for publishing cutting-edge, but accessible books from the top experts in their fields. Leading the backlist is one of the best-selling health books of all time, Prescription for Nutritional Healing by Phyllis Balch.
Founded in 1976, Avery quickly established itself as the most successful independent publisher of health books in the market. Penguin Group (USA) Inc. acquired it as an imprint in 1999 with a strong commitment to continue publishing respected, up-to-the-minute books with a clear focus on helping people make the most of their lives. To this end, Avery's scope of titles has broadened to include finance, psychology, inspirational memoir, and sociology.
Oh orgasms, who doesn't love them? Fast and sudden, slow and languid, shocking and violent. Any orgasm is a good orgasm, right? Perhaps not...
Parents, when it comes to teaching your kids about sex, it pays to remember what it was like to be young.
Far too often do I find myself in conversations with parents of teens and preteens who seem to have completely forgotten what it was like to be in the shoes of their children. Many of these parents have jumped on the "abstinence until marriage" bandwagon even though they themselves were sexually active as teens. I do my best to apply logic to the situation but logic is rarely of much use when dealing with the emotional instincts of protective parents.
It is important to remember that this isn't about hypocrisy. Just because you did something when you were young doesn't mean that you should allow your children to do it too. If you spent two years as a heroine junky slamming needles in your mid teens, it is good parenting to do everything you possibly can to keep your kids from following in your footsteps. Though sex carries with it serious consequences, sex is not heroine. Be careful that you don't treat it as a toxic subject.
Realize that your teenagers are going to be curious about sex and driven to explore their sexuality. Accept that if they choose to have sex, there is absolutely NOTHING you can do to stop them short of Gestapo-esk measures that are unhealthy for both you and your children. Do your very best to remember what it was like to be young and in love and how powerful those feelings were. Remember all the mistakes you made. Be honest with your kids about your mistakes because this will give them the opportunity to not repeat them.
Respect your teen's desire for privacy. They deserve time alone in their room and to give permission for others to enter their sanctuary before others are allowed to enter. This means that you knock on their door and not open it until you are given permission. Accept the fact that you do not have a right to know intimate details of your teen's sex life any more than they have the right to know how many orgasms you had last week. You have the right to make rules in your house, but these rules must be reasonable. The more reasonable you are, the more your teen will trust you as a guide.
Try to not project your anxiety onto your teen. The choices they make are THEIR choices, not yours. Your teens are not robots that you have programmed, they are humans that you have taught by example. They will make mistakes but hopefully your parenting has prepared them to minimize the possibility and consequences of these mistakes. If you catch your teens making out or doing the full on nasty, try not to freak out. Getting emotional isn't going to help you, your teen, or their partner. Be rational with yourself and your teen.
You know why your teen was doing it. It is for the very same reason everyone else does it. Isolate your fears before you react. Are you afraid they will get pregnant? Talk to your teen and make sure he or she is using forms of birth control that have a combined effectiveness of 99%. Are you afraid of STIs? Make sure your teen knows how to properly use condoms and oral barriers? Are you afraid your teen is being taken advantage of or taking advantage of their partner? Assess your teen's relationships by talking to their friends. Make sure that your teen understands that they have the right to say "no" and end any relationship at any time.
Give up on the delusion that your teen is going to stay a virgin any longer than they wish to stay a virgin. I've spoken to several parents who completely believed that their children were remaining abstinent who are now grandparents. In fact, in every single set of parents that I talked to who believed their children were abstinent until marriage, none actually were. The number of parents in denial is shocking. The oddity of this is that their teenagers were more likely to tell me or my wife that they were sexually active before their parents. Why? Simply because we remember what it was like when we were young and we aren't afraid to admit the truth. Young adults respect that and only when you've earned a young person's respect, can you hope to hear them tell you the truth and ask the questions that they so desperately need answered.
These teens aren't having sex to stick it to their parents. They don't want to get pregnant. They don't want to disappoint anyone. They just want to have sex, most often with someone that they really care about. It is foolish for adults to minimize the feelings of their teenage children. The love that they feel for their girlfriends and boyfriends is very real and in every way as powerful as the love that you feel for your spouse. Perhaps they may not understand the longevity of these feelings but unless they live through a failed relationship, they'll never understand that feeling change.
If you ask me, I'd say that we ask a lot of our teenagers. We ask a lot of them that is in direct conflict with human nature. In my opinion, asking them to behave as asexual androids until marriage is ludicrous. In my experience, attempting to actually gain this form of control over your teen's genitals is destructive. Teens function better when they are being guided and perform very poorly when being pushed. Teach your teens how to protect themselves and they most often will. Forbid them from something that human nature demands from them and you will have created a liar and an ignorant tourist in a very dangerous world.
Analingus. Tookus Lingus. Tossing a salad. Kissing the brown starfish.
Being a straight male in the sex-positive community can be a little odd. Many of the things that match me to the stereo-type of my gender and sexuality do not match the stereotype of the community that I'm in. How's that for offending all men and sex positive people everywhere? 
It's time to up the ante with this outstanding new cock ring - The Cock Lock Intruder. The metal cock ring is made of a heavy-duty stainless steel with a 2 inch fixed inside diameter and 2.75 inch outside diameter. For those who are nervous about using metal cock rings, this probably won't be a good fit. Metal cock rings are a challenge to put on and off. When putting on metal cock rings, put the testicles through one at a time and then pull the flaccid penis through. The Cock Lock Intruder has an additional challenge, however.
I want to put stuff up my butt
Because it will feel good
I want to put stuff up my butt
I don't know if I should
Here's a thing I found right here!
Should I put it up my rear?
It is long and thin, filled with vitamin B
Carrots are so good for me!
No! Do not put a carrot up your butt
It might get lost in there!
Do not put a carrot up your butt
No produce in your derriere
Here's a thing that has a string!
And a handle for extra zing!
This can not get lost you see
Because I can pull it out of me
No! Do not put a jump rope up your butt.
Strings have places for germs to hide.
Do not put a jump rope up your butt.
Only non-porous things should go inside!
Well what is this? A toy you say?
Non-porous, smooth, made for anal play?
No pointy parts that will make me tear
And a flared base so it won't get lost up there
Yes! Put that sex toy up your butt!
Push it in slowly giving time to adjust.
Put that sex toy up your butt!
If it hits your prostate, that's a plus!
Ouchie! Ouch! This is not good
This will not go in like it should
It pulls and pulls, I feel it pinch
It will not go inside, no not one inch!
Wait, I know just what to do
Cover the toy with shampoo!
That will make it slip and slide
and it will pop right on inside
No! Do not put shampoo in your butt!
Although it may be tempting
shampoo isn't anal friendly.
The rectum is a delicate thing
Oh, what is this inside this tube?
"Water-based personal lube"?
"Glycerine and Paraben free"?
This sounds like just the thing that's right for me!
Yes! I love this toy up in my butt!
It went in easy now that it's slick
I love this toy inside my butt!
It feels so good, I'm cumming quick!
Who doesn't love a massage? The feeling of relaxing into another person's touch, the opportunity to loosen up muscles that are causing you tension and pain, the blissful state of drool-inspiring mindlessness. Massage is a great way to relax and get into a sexual mood after a stressful day. It is a wonderful way to connect physically with your partner even if it isn't a good time for sexual intercourse. Massage can be sexual touch without the pressure to perform. Seriously! Who doesn't love a massage? But massage can be even better when you use massage oil candles.
These candles are made of soy and other oils that melt at a low temperature. When you light them they burn just like normal candles, but the oil that pools at the top is the perfect temperature and consistency to pour on your partner's body and use for massage.
Why do massage candles make the massage that much better? Candles set the mood. Maybe you are an amazing person that can relax with neon lights flashing in your face and the next door neighbor's horrible cat wailing to be let in, but for me, nothing says, "relax" like dim lighting and good smells. The candle also provides warmth. Instead of waiting for hands and bodies to warm up half way through the massage, you can add warmth right away with fire-heated liquid oil. The oil also helps your hands glide easily over your partner's body and will soften their skin.
Massage oil can work as lube in some situations. You need to be smart about it since oils are not compatible with latex safer sex barriers and some people prefer not to use oils vaginally (see my lube article for more info). But massage oil is great for hand jobs, rubbing on breasts, and anal play between fluid bonded partners. Finally, candles add a touch of surprise and novelty to the massage experience. While any massage is a good massage, how much more fun is it when you know that your partner bought a massage candle with the thought of rubbing oil all over you? Knowing your partner thinks about touching you and wants to give you the best experience possible can be a tremendous aphrodisiac.
When using the candles for the first time, remember that they need time for the oil to liquefy. Light the candle right away and use it for ambiance while the top layer melts. By the time you are ready to pour it on your partner, you will have a nice layer of oil melted and ready. You should always test the candle on yourself before your partner by first pouring it in your hand. Depending on the melting point of the oil, the candle might run hotter or cooler. It is important to know the oil is a good temperature before pouring it on your partner. One fun trick is to change the height at which you are holding the candle. The higher you hold the candle over someone's body, the more air the oil passes through on the way down, and the cooler it will be. If the person you are massaging is sensitive to heat, hold the candle high. It can be fun to play with this sensation and occasionally hold the candle closer so that the oil is hotter. If the person you are massaging makes any kind of "too hot" noises, immediately rub the oil in a larger area over their skin. This distributes the sensation, providing intensity without actually burning your partner. It can be a great sensation game to pour the oil on hot, then smooth the heat away by quickly rubbing the oil into your partner.
While massage oil candles generally require a partner (it can be difficult to reach your own back) this is an activity that can be sexual or just companionable. You can use massage oil candles with your latest hot thing and have it lead to rowdy jumping-on-the-bed sex. Or, if you have a friend you feel comfortable with, you can arrange a night of watching bad TV and trading massages. In a similar way, massage oil candles can be used in activities that fall anywhere on the spectrum of vanilla to down-right dirty. Give your partner a relaxing massage to ease their stress away before getting comfy in the missionary position. Try a fun and flirty game of "tell me what you want massaged next" or "guess how hot the oil will be". Or get kinky with your partner tied down and blindfolded as you see how hot they can really take it.
These candles come in unscented and scented varieties. It is a good idea to read the ingredient label with your partner and make sure that no one has an allergy to any of the ingredients. Spot testing the wax on the inside of the wrist is a great trick for those of us with sensitive skin. There are lots of different varieties out there, so find one you like and start massaging.
Buy Massage Candles at our Sponsors:
Bwarm Soy Massage Candles at Great Sex Games
Smitten Kitten Massage Candles at Smitten Kitten
HIV made an enormous impact on the world in the early 1980's. It scrounged up fear, stigma, and discrimination. It also brought out compassion, kindness and a drive to help fellow community members. As researches learned the routes of HIV transmission, the entire world had begun to politicize an infectious disease. As the world learned how to prevent HIV, there was a collective sigh of relief. To prevent becoming infected with HIV, people should not share needles and should use condoms for anal, vaginal, and oral sex. Pregnant women could take steps to reduce the chances of infecting their children. Screening became mandatory for the blood supply and for blood-products. It seemed it was only a matter of years until this disease was under control and the crisis ended.
Today's cultures have an abundance of underwear fetish sites, blogs, and fashion shows. Why is underwear getting all of this attention? And are you missing the fun of underwear? 
As someone who has been in an open relationship for over six years, and who wrote a book about it, and who writes a blog about it, and who talks about it nearly all the time, I am often asked,"how does it work?" The short answer is, "it works well." The long answer is, well, really long. Currently, there is very little work involved in keeping our lives happy and sane and open to good people and fun times. All the real hard work of our open relationship came at the beginning in a series of conversations we had before anyone started touching anyone else's anything.
The first time I even thought of the idea of penis enlargement, I was around 14 years old. I had found some advertisement in my father's porn stash that appeared to have a giant erect penis inside of a penis pump, with words that said "Fill her up to the hilt!" Looking at my average early teen penis, I felt very inadequate and hoped that I wasn't doomed to have a tiny penis. Little did I know then it was actually a picture of John Holmes. Like most guys, the only other erect penises other than my own that I saw were in pornography. Sixteen years later and after trying nearly everything other than surgery, my penis is considerably larger. That said, I've learned that penis size isn't nearly as important as I thought it was.
The Smitten Kitten opened in Minneapolis, MN in 2003. From the very beginning they have been a sex toy store committed to providing sex education along with their products. The store's mission to provide safe sex toys inspired their non-profit organization, CATT (Coalition Against Toxic Toys). CATT promotes awareness of the potential health risks of some sex toy materials. After many years of making Minneapolis a smarter and sexier city, the Smitten Kitten is expanding and opening a store in Denver, CO. Alison Nowak, General Manager of the Smitten Kitten, and I sat down and had a chat about the new Denver store, its' grand opening, and the future of sex toy stores in general.
L-How's the atmosphere of the new store going to be? Will it be similar to the Minneapolis store?
L-You bring up a really interesting point about men and sex toy shops. When I worked at the Smitten Kitten I noticed so many men that would come in and say, "Oh, I am in a women's store," even though the store is for people of all genders. I think it is less about the store and more about what men think their place in society and sexuality is. How do you let men know that the Smitten Kitten is for them and they have a right to be choosy about their sexual experience too?
Sex educator, author, blogger, podcaster, and game designer, Kidder Kaper, releases his 12th sex game and this time he's pushed the production quality to the max with his first fully illustrated, mass-produced game.
The game-play is simple. Couples select cards from the deck that contain illustrated sex acts of all kinds and then they place the events in the order that they'd like to play them. The illustrations are cartoony, non-threatening and fun. The game's goal is also simple. It is designed to help inspire couples to mix it up and add variation and excitement to their love making.
Sexual interest drops about fifty-percent after the first year of marriage for most women. Similarly, that is around the same time in a marriage when foreplay, oral sex, and position experimentation drops off as well. The Unpredictable card game guides couples into new and different sexual activities.
Since 2003, Kidder has been designing experimental games sold exclusively through Great Sex Games. But what had begun as an experiment has exploded into an entire media empire that offers something for everyone looking to add some fun and excitement to their sex lives.
"Our sales have remained extremely solid for many years, yet we've not attempted mass production which means a high-cost per unit and results in an extremely high price for our products." Explains Frivolous Entertainment, Inc's COO, Laura Schulz. "Even though we sell tons of games to a very hungry user base, our price point has kept us out of several markets simply because many retailers believe that they cannot sell a sex game for more than $12. Even though a lot of these cheap games are complete crap, it is difficult to change a pre-existing assumption and convince a nervous retailer that people will pay $50 for a card game."
Kidder's top selling game, Sex is Fun - The Card Game, is a product for couples that guide them into intimacy-building exercises. It remains the most expensive, highest rated, and a top selling sex game offered at sex toy retail giant, Adam & Eve, proving that there is a market for well designed games at any price.
"We've really pulled out the stops for this one. Unpredictable is significantly more beautiful than anything we've released so far." Says the game's designer, Kidder. "It took us this long to gain mass appeal, a recognizable brand, and a distribution chain worthy of a well-funded design phase and larger production runs. I've got no problem selling the Ferrari of sex games, but if we can deliver a Ferrari at the price of an Acura, that is even cooler." At a MSRP of $29.99 it is still a bit pricier than a pair of purple sex dice, but Kidder and Laura don't believe that the price tag will keep their customers away. "Our customers know that when we release a game, it is going to deliver in spades and we've got nothing but positive reviews to back it up." Says Laura in support of her company's products and pricing.
"We're hoping that we can, with this new game, convince the retailers that there is a market for significantly better adult games at a marginally higher price. We've played the $12 games currently available, and they suck. You simply cannot spend six months designing and preparing art for a game like this and deliver a quality product for a price that low. In the case of our games, you get what you pay for, and I don't think that anyone is going to suffer from buyer's remorse after they get this game into their bedroom. We're not the first to supply the adult market with higher quality, we're just the first to do it with sex games."
Laura may in fact be correct especially when considering companies like Lelo® and Nexus™ that are incredibly successful producing the highest quality sex toys on the market at significantly higher prices.
Kidder Kaper, who is not interested in hitting a price point or fitting a mold, will soon be releasing his first book which he unapologetically admits, "...is a sex manual that completely blows the door off the hinges of convention." His book, Sex is Fun being published by Penguin Group/Gotham Books on June 1st. "Frankly I'm amazed that we found a large, mainstream publisher for this property. Even my agent said the book would never fly in its current form. Nobody has ever tried to publish a sex instruction guide written for a pansexual audience made up of straights, gays, bisexuals, and lesbians. Before the book was even finished, we'd encountered our first bidding war for rights to the book. I think the world is ready for this and I'm ready to find out."
In a world with things like orgies, fucking machines, and furries, handjobs can seem a little, well, tame. With no insertion, no equipment, and little need for things like safe words or tarp-covered floors, many look at hand sex as a jumping off point, something that one does in high school in the front of a car older than yourself; something that one does until they start doing something better. There are good reasons why we experimented with hand sex in our parent's basements before most everything else. Hand sex can be a lot safer than intercourse, a lot less intimate than oral sex, and far more successful than dry humping.
There's no reason to leave this little trick in the bag. It can be as hot as you want it to be, and if you don't think handjobs feel that good, well, without giving you names and phone numbers that would prove you wrong, you're wrong. Great sex happens in the head, and anyone who tells you otherwise isn't thinking enough about it to be worth your time. Great sex is different in every head, but handjobs are versatile, and can be wrapped into whatever context most pleases you. Beyond context, great sex is just equal parts enthusiasm and lubrication.
Don't go confusing your teenage jerk-offs to adult handjobs. It's a whole new thing, and worth doing well.
Giving Good Hand:
Like Go, handjobs take only a few minutes to learn, but a lifetime to master. Well, not really, but there is a simple premise to start with, and as much complexity as you feel like adding. So, let's start simple. You may imagine you can just grab a dick and go to town, and you are mostly right, except one crucial omission: You didn't lube it!
Can you lube a dick, then just grab it and go to town? Well, in a word, yes. In two words, yes, absolutely. Doing so will likely give you your intended results (an erection to do other things with, or an ejaculation to be proud of), and can probably get you there pretty quickly. Results vary with every dick and every hand, of course, but most of the time, you rub a dick enough with enough lube on it, and something's gonna happen. Still, if handjobs were an exersize show, we'd still be at low-impact here, sitting out the push-ups. If we were swimming, we'd be in the shallow end with water wings. If we were... well... you get the idea. Let's ramp it up.
One easily fixable problem to take those ho-hum-handjobs to the next level is that when you grab a dick, don't actually GRAB a dick. It can be helpful to have your hand covering as much skin as possible, but the penis will stay up by itself (hopefully). You don't need to grip it so much as you need to slide your fingers along it. Friction is why this feels good, but it takes a very small amount of friction to feel good. When your hand moves up and down, it shouldn't take the skin up and down with it. Images of a grabby handprint on my penis are making me uncomfortable, so I'm going to move on. The other easily fixable level-two problem is speed. You may have watched the owner of this penis finish himself on occasion and seen him do so with blinding speed. Do not emulate that speed, or the focus on the head. Start slow, stroke the whole thing, then season to taste.
The deep end. The deep end is full of crazy tricks and twists and aiming games. Pick your favorite depository of free porn online and look up handjobs, find the ones that seem sexy to you, and try out a trick or two. You can get info like that all over the place, but the deep end is not as much about just the right touch in just the right way. The deep end isn't about complex touching so much as it's about complex context. There's that word again. You've added lube and skill in levels one and two, and now it's time for some earnest (or earnestly imagined) enthusiasm. A twist is nice, but a twist with a moan is even better. To give a great, expert, mind-blowing handjob, you need to be committed to it. It cannot look or feel like a chore, or like a favor, or like settling for something good enough for now. If you give a handjob like there's nothing in the world you'd rather do, the receiver will forget everything else in the world.
Getting Good Hand:
We'll assume that you have greatly pleased whoever is touching your penis, or are about to. We'll assume that you have not pressured them into touching you, haven't whined about "just" getting a handjob or anything dumb like that. There are few times in life where no complaints are appropriate, and times when someone is focusing all their energy on getting you off account for most of those times.
The physical aspects to getting a good handjob are easy. Sit, stand, lay, or kneel wherever you are. Get your penis touched. Enjoy. Oh, and don't put your hand on the head of whoever's touching you and try to push them down. That's lame. Getting good handjobs (thereby qualifying to get more good handjobs) is more a question of etiquette. The trick is that etiquette changes from partner to partner. You know what that means, right? Talking. If giving good hand boils down to enthusiasm, getting it boils down to communication.
You don't need to sit down with a notary public and make a list of everything allowed and not, but if you keep pointing your cock at your partner's eyes, and they keep pointing it at their chest, you've got to listen before they have to say something out loud. A moan here or there when your partner does something you like can go a long way, but don't be afraid to ask for what you like. I can almost guarantee you that the person giving you a handjob isn't doing it so you don't feel good. They want to get you off, and will almost surely thank you for making their job easier by making their job better.
Let me guess... you have just gotten out of a long relationship, or it has been too long since you've been in one. You are in school, or you have two jobs, or you like your space, or you want to spend a majority of your time reading science journals and not talking about your feelings. Fine. But you like sex. More than like, you've found you need it. If this need for sex were an itchy infection, Masturbation either feels like scratching (but not curing) it, or like simply spreading it around (and making it much worse). You are in a pickle. 
Recently I read an article that made me angry, "Five Traits in a Mate That are Not Deal Breakers". The premise of this article is that many women have standards for men that are ultimately not helpful in finding a marriage partner. This premise seems ok. Oh, look at that, the author wrote a whole book on the subject. Interesting, let's see what traits she thinks aren't deal breakers.
Anal play can be intimidating for a beginner. There are so many things to think about when getting ready to explore the tookus. Aside from having to worry about proper steps to prepare, one has to think about how to do the initial penetration, whether or not thrusting is on the menu for the big event, and what happens when the orgasm is done?
On the eve of the iPad's release, the developers from Gizbitz and Sex is Fun, are happy to announce that Apple has agreed to include their first game designed for iTouch, iPhone and iPad in the iTunes AppStore.
Ever since I was a kid, I've loved magazines. I love the thrill of opening a brand new Popular Science and learning about all the cool new marvels of engineering and discoveries the pages revealed. When I open a copy of Ski Magazine, I'm flooded with joy as I fantasize about zipping down my favorite mountain and learning how to tune my skis for an even faster ride. Every Macworld has a gem or two that help the very computer I'm writing this on behave in a little less annoying fashion. The photos and illustrations make it all so clear in ways that most books cannot describe with simply with words.
I love magazines because they celebrate the things that I love. I'm sure it comes as no surprise to anyone reading this that I love sex. While there are many magazines that are dedicated to sex, I have found that none of them are quite what I'm looking for. Playboy is a veteran in the game of titty mags, and in this case being a veteran may also mean being a dinosaur. The magazine never did much for me past my preadolescent infatuation with boobies. The Heff is a good man though, and deserves my respect for all that he has done, he just doesn't deserve my subscription fee.
Penthouse on the other hand has always been a long time favorite of mine. This was a magazine that wasn't afraid to admit that sex was fun and did so without apology. Its glossy pages revealed not just naked women, but naked women masturbating, naked women having sex with men, and naked women having sex with other naked women. The articles aligned perfectly with my own sense of political outrage and if it hadn't been for the Penthouse Forums, I don't think I'd have ever learned how to speed-read. I owe a lot to Penthouse and the people who create it, but ultimately, the sex advice contained in the magazine is just somewhat better than what is offered in Cosmo, and that my friends, is not enough for this sex educator to give it a passing grade.
Then we have Maxim as part of the new generation of 'zines designed to capture a new generation of fresh young wankers. Aimed at men who want photos of hot women to spank it to, but not actually brave enough to buy a magazine that contains actual naked women. Stuff, Maxim, FHM and the whole lot are a backwards step in the whole adult magazine market. These magazines represent the worst of the worst in human desire and caters to materialists who are often more likely to gain sexual arousal from the newest stereo and those who wish to judge and objectify women. These magazines offer watered down information about sex and never dare to go into kink or visit the fringe unless it is to merely make fun of anything alternative. Not only do I not subscribe to these magazines, but I actually wish them to fail and go away.
There are many other magazines that I've enjoyed over the years. None have quite captured what I'm looking for, and that is why I've decided to create my own periodical, one that I hope you will enjoy reading. I intend for this online magazine to be not only an extension of what we do on the Sex is Fun Podcast, but also to be the beginning of a new standard in sex news and information. I want to create a product that goes significantly deeper than any other source prior or current. I hope that our product reviews not only give our readers an idea of what to buy, but also how to best use the product for maximum pleasure and benefit. I want it to be regularly updated with news and education that presents itself in a manner that is unafraid of ruffling feathers or challenging established ideas. Of course it will offer a wide array of colorful opinions for all things regarding sex. The artwork will all be illustrated by my very good friend Josh Lynch, who was responsible for the look and future success of my book. The articles will be written by me, sex educator Laura Rad, HiV/AIDS educator Gay Rick, Polyamorous and BDSM enthusiast Coochie, and several contributing writers that we pick up along the way.
We look forward to hearing feedback from you and encourage you to send us your thoughts. Just be warned that if we think your feedback is dumb, we may make fun of you. Enjoy this magazine and take from it all that you can while realizing that none of us are experts and all of this information comes to us from little more than our own meandering experience that has perhaps gained a little influence we extracted from a book or two. If you are a writer and would like to submit an article for our little book, you are welcome to do so. If you would like to contribute monetarily we'll soon have a way for you to do so, till then please patron our sponsors.
Thanks for tuning in and I look forward to seeing what this place becomes...
Kidder Kaper
Editor - Sex is Fun Magazine
SexisFun.net
1. Know the basics. If the last time you learned about sex was in the class your gym teacher taught in high school it might be time to brush up and make sure your knowledge is correct. Basic info about safer sex is always changing as science advances and we learn more about how we can best protect ourselves. If you want to be a sex positive advocate make sure the information you are sharing is correct!
The condom. The wonderful, glorious condom. The savior of the promiscuous, the child-fearing fertile, and hypochondriacs. Sex educators can't sing their praise enough while doctors and public health clinics have their work loads reduced. Condoms prevent pregnancy, sexually transmitted infections, and HIV. That's why I wanted to talk about them today. With HIV numbers rising worldwide, it's important to understand condoms and why they're so important to the sex positive movement.
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